Set Thine House in Order

Wed Service; 12/1/2021

In those days was Hezekiah sick unto death. And the prophet Isaiah the son of Amoz came to him, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Set thine house in order; for thou shalt die, and not live (2 Kings 20:1).

Why did I look there?

Near the end of church service, we turn in our Bibles to 2 Kings. If only my eyes had stayed focused on the chapter the minister went to, but that didn't happen. This verse caught me out of the corner of my eye. Having been recently diagnosed with congestive heart failure, this was not the verse I was wanting to read tonight. As I read this verse, it started feeling like God following up with a message from a few weeks ago, "... My grace is sufficient for thee" (2 Cor.12:9). That message came on a Wednesday night church service also, right after I had yelled out to God in frustration, "I can't do this", too many things going on at once. I need an ICD implant, maybe need a heart transplant, my rotary cuff is torn, another surgery. Worried about my family's livelihood without me. How do I make the best decisions to help them after I am gone? As I was trying to get my daughter to the first night of the scripture memory program, I get last-minute overtime at work. How I am going to get to church in time? While trying to resolve this issue at work, I say a prayer to God, "I need your help God, you know I am trying". Then somehow I get the issue figured out, and just barely get done at work in time to maybe make it. It's 5:50, church starts at 6:45. It takes at least 10 minutes to change at work, and get out to my car. Another 35 minutes to get home, need shower and cleanup, then drive to church. Can't reach older daughter at home, to get the younger one ready. Hoping she is ready when I get home (she wasn't). As I was driving home, watching the time slip away I yell out, "... I lose every time God, I can't do this, spiritually I lose every time. I can't be a better father, a better Christian, a better husband. I can't win, I lose every time." I was yelling this in the car several times. My frustrations were not just about the time. They had been building up about the doctor's heart transplant consultation tomorrow. Building up with my spiritual condition, my Christian walk is not where I want it to be. I can change, I can do this better, or that. I can be a better Christian father to my kids, a better Christian husband to my wife. I like to think I am a strong-willed person, can get through things on my own. The scriptures tell me to "...be strong and of good courage"(Deut.31:6). I had told myself a few weeks earlier, I can do this. I can get through this, my family needs me to be strong for them, they need me. I couldn't do it, was my feeling now. I can't get through this spiritually. I am going to lean to my old vises, my old sins, my old life. My flesh was calling me out, surrender!

How Do I Do This?

Somehow we made it to church just in time. The message was so clear that night, "I Win" said God, "I Win". But it was followed with, "... My grace is sufficient for thee" (2 Cor.12:9). He will bring me to where I can bare it. Just moments earlier, I had yelled out, "I lose ...., I lose!". Then within an hour, I hear God yelling back "I Win ... I Win". I wasn't sure exactly what it meant at that moment, but I felt God was wanting me to know He will win when I can't. When I awoke the next morning, I was full of anxiety and was dreading going to the heart transplant doctor. As I go to get out of bed, my wife grabs my hand, and says let's pray. If you know me, you know public praying is a challenge for me, words never come. Even though it was just me and her, I still struggle to find words. So I admit when she said that, my first thought was, "oh no!" But I squeezed her hand back, and I prayed with her, and it was one of those prayers you feel someone is saying the words for you, but not you. I felt peace at that moment, that I needed. I went to the doctor's office with my two daughters to learn more about the heart transplant. I was expecting to have to make an immediate decision on to start proceeding with getting on the list, or not getting on the list, not qualified due to diabetic condition, not enough financial, etc. You name it, I had thought it. The doctor told me all the bad news, my heart has structural damage and it's not recovering. I am going to start having different things fail me with the reduced blood flow. He said I may feel ok right now, but that was going to change. I asked him, "So that is it then?" Thankfully, at that time he said there is still a small remote chance, that trying a new medication will help my blood flow. He wanted to try that first, before proceeding with anything else. So I decided to try the medication, and wait a few more months before more testing. To me, this was a relief, it let me just make a few decisions at a time. The message on grace that night at church, was God will bring you to a point, to a line where you can handle it, too where you can just bare it. However, sufficient doesn't mean beyond that. I didn't realize what this message meant to me at that moment, but I kept it close to me. This was starting to help me bare it, right at this moment.

He Prepared Me

At this point, I decided to get the defibrillator implant, but was mindful another decision was still coming. After several weeks, it was time for the implant surgery. I had started looking forward to getting this one thing behind me. The surgery went well, very little pain. It took 6 weeks before I fully recovered from the implant, to go back to work. Two of the three cardiologists told me I couldn't work as an electrician anymore, due to the electromagnetic interference with my defibrillator. However, the doctor doing the implant said I just need to ensure systems were well-grounded. This left me an opening to return to work. I had been trying to figure out how to survive financially if couldn't work as an electrician anymore. After I healed, I managed to get cleared for returning to work. I didn't know what to think, just figured I would figure it all out. My first few days back, I was just exhausted. I had returned to work on Tuesday, by the time it was Wednesday, I needed to listen to God's word and hear what he wanted for me, encourage me. Instead, I see "... thou shalt die, and not live (2 Kings 20:1), solemn reminder of what is coming. God never showed me, it was all going to be ok; you will recover. No, I was shown he was giving me more time. But the time wasn't what I was expecting. I was expecting that somehow I would figure out all the finances, figure out a way for my family to survive. Help them in some way, prepare them in some way. Instead, God was beginning to prepare me.

Journey to Praise God

As I was in a church group bible study in Revelations, I was hoping somehow to share with my family what to expect, what to watch for as Jesus commands us. I was worried if I wasn't here for them, would they know what to watch for, would they be prepared. How could I help them? My thoughts were drawn instead to the worshipping of God and Jesus in heaven right now. God wasn't showing me what to watch for, he was showing me what heaven is like. I started studying, what does it mean to worship God, to praise God. I was led to a verse in the bible, "Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name (Psalm 100:4). I thought about this verse over and over, read different commentaries on it. What does it mean? One commentary stood out, and kept coming back in my thoughts. We don't praise and worship God by grumbling and complaining, by being fearful, by trusting in our own wisdom, by trusting our own strength. When we are thankful for all the blessings in our lives and tell others of those blessings, we are entering his gates with thanksgiving. When we praise God for bringing us through loss, through trials, through temptations to others, then we are entering in His courts with praise. I started to change my prayers from "Why Me Lord, Help Me Lord", to thanking Him for all the blessings in my life. Telling others of his wondrous works in my life, instead of grumbling about my circumstances. I started creating this website, so I could share with others His works in my life, personal things. I will start praising Him. As I was going on this Journey to Praise God, I started remembering all the blessings God has done in my life, I was slowly being uplifted, slowly becoming more encouraged, less fearful, less grumbling about my condition. This journey has shown me how much God has taken care of me and my family, and that he will take care of them when I am gone. It may not be tomorrow, or next year, or until several years later, but God will be there. So I will share all the things God has done for me in my life. I will praise God. I will thank God. I will let God "Win" in my life, my family's life.

I will set mine "... house in order."(2 Kings 20:1). Not in the way the world sees order, but in a spiritual order that blesses God, that praises Him.

Thank you, God, for all the blessings in my life.