Love with Merciful Kindness

Wed Service 05/11/2022

Psalm 117

1 Timothy 1: 18 - 1 Timothy 2:

ARE YOUR MERCIFULLY KIND?

Psalm 117: 1 O praise the LORD, all ye nations: praise him, all ye people. 2 For his merciful kindness is great toward us: and the truth of the LORD endureth for ever. Praise ye the LORD.

I have been seeking God's direction and spinning around in circles for the past couple of months. My heart is torn, wasn't hearing God's voice. Kept asking, which way God, which way. Only void in return. I was stunned by things happening in my life. My first thought had been, God this is me, these things don't happen to me because I am not strong like others spiritually. I had always leaned on 1 Cor. 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. I just remember "...not suffer you ... above that ye are able". So my first prayer when my life changed suddenly forever, as I thought we had a deal, you know I can not handle things. I was like this for several weeks, God this is me, enough already.

As time passed, things progressed worse. I prayed harder, and harder. Still no direction. Fast forward to last week, I get an answer. "Go that way, and choose righteousness". But it was not the direction I wanted to go, sure choose righteousness, but how do you walk away that will lead you away from the things you cherish the most. Convicting, would you give up everything to follow after Christ? Would you give up a baby, daughter, son, mother, or wife to follow after Christ? I had been trying to follow after the things I loved, trying to save them, but in reality, was just trying to preserve what I loved for myself. So now I heard this direction, but I also heard the things you love will likely not follow you, they will not choose you. But start walking that way, God's way. Tough to understand. I prayed for God to help me walk that way.

Just a day into "that way" my flesh wants to strike out in anger and try to protect that which was mine. I justify it is for this or that, I am righteously doing this, but in the end, is it how God wants me to act? How do I walk like Christ? I tell myself, Christ didn't say stop, I have had enough, no more lashes, I don't love the world that much. Christ sacrificed and died for all of us despite who we are. I could reason, deduce that I should be that way, but oh try to do it. Can't control the bitterness, the anger. Not reflecting Christ-like behavior at all. The world would say it's ok, you have every right to do it, but Christ would say nothing until "it is finished". I don't know when this will be finished, I just know I need to walk but wasn't knowing how to handle it.

Now 3 days into the week of going in that direction, struggling I go to Wednesday night church service. Defeated, exhausted. Praying help me, God! Then Psalm 117 at the opening of the service, ... do you love with merciful kindness? That was a NO for me. I couldn't understand why this was happening to me, I tried to love those doing this, but couldn't, I just couldn't. I said one lash was too many, stop hitting me, I am done. But God says go that way in peace. Show merciful kindness, and act Christ-like. Pray for those hurting you. So now God is saying how to walk that way, and why in 1 Timothy 1:18 service continues. 18 ...War a good warfare. There will be a time to call out what is happening, but not now. 1 Timothy 2 has a lot of guidance for me on how to walk. Prayer for all men.

To be continued hopefully.... late at night.

Ms