About Me

 After wandering in the spiritual wilderness for 40 years, I came to fully hear what Jesus asked his disciples.  "...whom say ye that I am?" Mark 8:29.  I believe with all my soul that Jesus Christ is the only begotten Son of God, that suffered, and died for our sins.  That the only way of salvation is through faith in the blood of Christ, there is no other way to be saved.  I give testimony of this belief and with all my heart I try to follow this, however, I am still in the flesh and fail to frequently.  But I confess these sins, and believe I am forgiven.  Christ's blood is counted as my righteousness, and I am washed as white as snow, through His sacrifice and my faith.

 

Even after being saved, and feeling full of the spirit I have found myself wondering from God.  Most recently, frustrated with people, hate started growing in me.  Challenging to be a loving Christian, I cried out to God to remove me from this situation; the stress was wearing me down.  About a year ago, I took a long vacation and tried to study the Bible and get back to following God's desire for me.  Started studying Revelation, but was too easily distracted, and couldn't get my heart really into it.  Vacation ended, back to work, and no more time to study God's word.  No more time to go to church, I was too tired.  One thing I found I had a lot of time for was, making excuses not to spend time with God.  I would hear God asking, "Mike where are you?.  But I would find myself hiding from God like Adam and Eve when they knew they had sinned.  I didn't want to hear God tell me what I already knew.  God knew I was busy, busy at doing world things, filling my heart with worldly things, not Godly things.  I was out of God's will for me.

 

After a few weeks of being back to work, and distancing myself more from God's word I started having confusing chest pains.  Was it muscle pain or was it heart attack pains?  I tried working through them, I can tough it out.  I was getting nowhere.  Then one weekend it all became too much for me.  I was trying to sleep the lack of energy off.  At times the chest pains brought me to my knees, but I didn't want to go and get all the tests, which cost money with a $5000 medical deductible starting new at the beginning of the year.  My wife's company just started an expansion and laid off its workers for what looked like was going to be a year.  Unemployment checks for her were not coming, I had to work.  Couldn't get through the unemployment office due to the pandemic overload.  

 

After the weekend, I got up on Monday, not near as bad pain but no energy still.  My wife made me go to the clinic and see what was going on.  I thought well at least it will be cheaper than going to Emergency Room, but I did remember on my first heart attack I did the same thing, and they called an ambulance.  Had my wife stay in the car (pandemic), went in and they did some testing, and immediately said "Sir, you are having a heart attack!?  They called an ambulance, and once again was rushed to the emergency room.  Struggled with why is this happening to me God, I was ready to just go.  My thoughts were, I am tired and I am ready for heaven.  But my flesh still clung to my families need's for me to provide.  I had a widowmaker heart attack, which according to google only about 12% of people  survive.  Had a couple of stents put in, and a couple of months of therapy and time off.  Thought this is good, can spend more time in God's word, and rest.  Thought I will go back to work, and not lose focus this time, stay in God's Word.

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Once again, upon returning to work found myself too busy, too tired for God.

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...to be continued under construction.

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